The Game of Life
by InactiveAnon
Summary: Keiti, Nexus, and Aku-chan play the infamous game of life with Kuwabara, Yusuke, Hiei, and Kurama. Problem is…they didn’t really read the instruction manual…


**The Game of Life**

_By: ..Yuzuki._

_Summary:__ Keiti, Nexus, and Aku-chan play the infamous game of life with Kuwabara, Yusuke, Hiei, and Kurama. Problem is…they didn't really read the instruction manual…_

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or the game "Life". I also don't own Transformers or Bumblebee. Nor do I own Oompa Loompas or Dr. Seuss or any of his books.

The Game of Life  
"…Now I'm burdened with several tiny pink children, and more money than I could possibly hope to manage!" -Anya  
"Uhm…An, that mean's your winning." - Xander  
"Oh…I'm so pleased!" – Anya  
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer  
Ever heard the joke: "A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar…"  
Well:  
A wolf demon, a silver Kyuubi no Kitsune, and a Nekomata sit down to a game of life…

"Hey, wattaya guys up to?" Yusuke questioned the three demon girls who sat somewhat calmly around the coffee table in Kurama's living room, momentarily stepping out of Kurama's kitchen.  
"We are preparing to play The Game…Of Life." Nexus announced ominously, though her reply was ignored as Kuwabara announced something about 'chocolate pudding in the fridge!' and Yusuke fled back inside the kitchen.  
In return, Aku-chan began screaming and smacking her head against Kurama's (expensive) piece of furniture formerly known as "the table".  
This, of course, brought forth a flustered Kurama from down the hall. The fox managed the restrain the struggling Nekomata, who continued howling: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"  
Kurama looked to his fellow Kitsune for assistance, but she simply sat at his now dented, rickety table, calmly sipping at her tea. "She lost 'The Game'." The girl explained. At this, the Neko ceased struggling and instead went limp, twitching every now and again.  
Kurama sweat dropped, and shuffled Aku-chan and a large, rectangular box in his hands. "Well, I've brought the…uh…activity you requested."  
Keiti nodded and took the box from the fox, laying it out on the less-than-stable table. Nexus and Keiti opened the box as Aku-chan sprung to life and began playing with the small board pieces. Kurama simply sighed and trekked to his kitchen to fetch some more tea for his guests, subsequently kicking Kuwabara and Yusuke out of said room before they completely raided his refrigerator.  
When the infamous thief returned, he found the board game had been aptly set up on his coffee table…leaving absolutely no room for him to put the teapot. Sighing, he filled the already set out cups, hoping—most likely against hope—that his friends wouldn't spill their drinks on his spotless carpet. Afterwards, he decided to return the kettle to its rightful place on the stove, figuring it would not be a bad idea to stretch his legs and simply make trips back and forth to serve the tea. Albeit, it made him feel like more of a waiter than a host, but he supposed, with present company, he should have expected something of the like.  
When Kurama returned he found each girl still huddled around the table as Yusuke and Kuwabara watched from the sidelines—or, rather, the couch. He took a seat on the adjacent chair and watched the demons attempting to understand the concept of human games. He was not surprised in the least to find that Hiei had flitted in from the open window and was now sitting on the windowsill, subtly watching the unfolding activity.  
Keiti, Nexus, and Aku-chan were picking their cars…  
"What model is this car anyway?" Keiti wondered aloud, picking up the blue-colored car and inspecting it.  
"I don't know…but I don't like them." Nexus said frankly. Her eyes lit up and she picked up the yellow car proudly. "My car's name is Bumblebee!" She announced, holding the tiny car out as if it were in the spotlight.  
"I wish these cars transformed into little fighting machines…" Aku-chan said dreamily, poking at her red car. "My car would be FRANKFORMER!!!!"  
"Frankformer?" Keiti questioned incredulously.  
"YES! BECAUSE HE IS A TRANSFORMER AND HIS NAME IS FRANK!!!"  
"Oh…" Keiti replied, "Well, I think my car shall be called…Sir Fredrick-van-Santen-el-Darado-mei-estavel-Chriss D.E."  
The room was silent for a moment… Then Yusuke began laughing and Kuwabara attempted to count how many syllables the name(s) held. Hiei said "Hn" and rolled his eyes in an amused fashion as Kurama rubbed his temples in exasperation. Nexus and Aku-chan however seemed to think it was an acceptable name. In fact, Aku-chan grinned and nodded.  
"All right then," Nexus began, cracking her knuckles and placing her car at a random place on the board which was thence deemed 'Go', as in pass and collect 200 dollars.  
"Wait, what are these people for?" Keiti asked, holding up a small plastic bag full of miniature pink and blue people.  
Aku-chan shrugged, "Road kill?"  
"Didn't you read the rule book and the insructions?" Kurama questioned, already dreading the answer.  
"Nooooo," Aku-chan responded, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. "Come on, Kurama! Reading instructions to a game called: 'Life'!? That's like getting caught in the 'Self-Help Book' section in the liber-ary!"  
Yusuke spasm-ed with laughter, hitting Kuwabara across the shoulder in his glee as the larger man grinned. Hiei showed a bit of slight confusion (what was a 'liber-ary' and why make a game called 'Life'?) and tentatively leaned closer to the scene, attempting to get a better look at the crowded-around game board.  
Kurama sighed, fighting against the urge to shake his head at his allies' actions. "The people go in the cars—that's what the little holes are for." He explained patiently, as if speaking with a group of children.  
"But they're Transformers…they don't need drivers." Nexus disagreed.  
"No, you can ride in a Transformer, just not when it's…transformed." Keiti pointed out. Nexus nodded and reached for the small bag of little, bi-colored people, only to be beaten to it by Aku-chan.  
"I find the gender-specific roles of pink and blue constantly pushed upon by humans to be both sexist and degrading, in addition to being insulting. Also, I think it's racist against Oompa-Loompas, as there are no orange people. More so, I refuse to be pink, as I have do not particularly favor that color, and I feel blue would fit my personality more—BUT THE COLOR I REALLY WANNA BE IS RED!!!!" Aku-chan finished her impassioned speech, glaring at the little plastic people, before simply taking out a little blue person and placing it in her red car. Then: "…My colors clash…"  
Nexus rolled her eyes and took the bag from the Nekomata, nonetheless she also chose a blue player. However, in addition she grabbed an extra blue character. She placed them both in the front seats of her yellow car, 'Bumblebee'.  
"Watcha doin'?" Yusuke questioned the fox girl, raising an eyebrow.  
"I'm taking Hiei with me."  
"Ah! I see!" Kuwabara exclaimed. "Take Urameshi and I with you too!!!"  
"Kuwabara!" Yusuke scolded, "Do you want to die or something?! Driving with Nex' isn't going to turn out pretty—she'll kill us!"  
"Oh, I guess you're right, Urameshi. We'd better go with Keiti if we want to make it out with our lives."  
Nexus glared at the two boys and Aku-chan accepted the facts and merely grabbed the bag, handing Keiti three blue pieces—one for her, one for Yusuke, and the last for Kuwabara. She then took out a pink piece and set it in the passenger seat of her 'Frankformer'  
"Eh? Who are you taking with you, Aku-chan?" Kuwabara questioned.  
Aku-chan looked at the human plainly, and said, with a completely serious face: "Kurama."  
Both Kuwabara and Yusuke nearly died of laughter. Hiei raised an eyebrow at the girl's antics, Nexus face-palmed, and Keiti chuckled. Kurama, the unfortunate victim, winced slightly. "Any reason, in particular, why you decided on this, Aku-chan?"  
The Nekomata put a finger to her chin; "Well, your Meio School Uniform is a maroon color, and that's similar to pink…your hair is bright red, and that's similar to pink…" Kurama nodded, accepting the reasons perhaps a bit too soon. "Plus, you grow and fight with plants and in terms of gender-specific roles, that's a woman thing…" The fox's face abruptly turned from contemplative to somewhat sour. "and so is having long hair, and so is being cleanly, and so is--"  
The female Kitsune slapped her hand over the Nekomata's mouth. "Let's just play the game."  
"Ih lwozzd tehh geyme!!!" was Aku-chan's muffled, screaming reply.  
Some minutes later, when everyone had calmed down, they did indeed begin their game. After some dice rolling, and much debating, it was decided that the pattern would be thus: Nexus, Aku-chan, and then Keiti. Why this sequence? Simply because it was the order of how old each were—oldest to youngest—and the game is called "Life" after all, so why not start it in proper order?  
On the playing Kitsune's first turn she rolled a two.  
She then proceeded to move four spaces.  
Hiei grunted, his way of saying: 'Huh? Whatever the rules are to this inane human contraption, they don't make any sense…' Nexus then proudly clarified that, because she drives at a rate far above the speed limit, every number she rolls will have two added to it.  
Kurama was about to explain that these were not the correct rules (while it was true in actual life both the Kitsune and the Nekomata drove much too fast and rarely obeyed traffic laws in general) when Aku-chan rolled and did the exact same thing, bringing herself a space ahead of Nexus. This brought about an argument.  
"Ne, wait! You can't be ahead of me in life, I'm older than you!"  
"Age hardly determines a being's personal success compared to others'." Aku-chan chided in a matter-of-fact tone. She then illegally rolled again, and, before Nexus could speak, Kurama took it upon himself to correct the wayward demon.  
"Aku-chan, you are only permitted to roll the dice and move once per turn." The redhead stated gently, yet sternly.  
The Neko looked at him innocently, and replied, in the same falsely naive tone. "I didn't stop at a red light." She said, before moving her piece once more.  
Keiti took the offered dice and made her move, and things went on in this fashion until the girls decided they were getting a bit bored.  
So, on Nexus' next turn, Aku-chan decided to make things a bit more realistic…  
She picked the fox's yellow car up and took the small plastic representation of Hiei out of the vehicle.  
"What are you doing?" the Kitsune asked the Nekomata acidly, eyeing her suspiciously.  
"Hiei wouldn't ride in the car. He would be running several paces ahead of it." This said, she put the car back in its place and put Hiei in a forest area next to the Highway several spaces ahead of Nexus. This was deemed acceptable enough.  
Aku-chan's next move, however, was a bit controversial; the Neko demon took her pink Kurama representation and quite happily put it underneath the back of her car.  
"W-what are you doing?!" Nexus yelled in horror as Keiti coughed and choked on her tea, nearly sputtering it out all over Kurama's floor in a fit of chortles.  
"I put Kurama in the trunk for being a 'back-seat driver'."  
"Aku, take Kurama out of the trunk, right now!!!"  
"Nooo…"  
"Now!"  
"N--"  
"Now!"  
"Bu--"  
"Aku-chan." "I--"  
"Nope."  
"I just--"  
"Uh-uh."  
"Bu--"  
"Outta the trunk."  
Aku-chan forlornly placed Kurama in the back seat, pouting. "He has to be in the back seat though."  
"That's not very nice." Keiti chimed.  
"Frankformer doesn't like him." Aku stated. "He jealous."  
"Okay." The wolf demon agreed, patting the other on the back.  
"Aren't you guys supposed to be using those cards er somethin'?" Yusuke suggested, loosing interest.  
The girls looked at the cards. Nexus shrugged and picked up one of the cards, reading it. "You run a read light and get in a crash. Pay 1000 dollars for damages unless you have insurance." The fox looked at the Nekomata. "I think it's talking to you."  
Aku-chan grumbled, and sullenly paid the aforementioned price to Kurama, whom she had decided was the banker. She then picked a card of her own. "You donate 500 dollars to the Dr. Seuss Foundation for Elephants Taking Care of Orphaned Bird-Eggs…"  
Aku-chan nearly popped a blood vessel.  
"NO! NO!!!! I WILL NOT!!!!! I REFUSE TO DONATE TO A CAUSE FOUNDED BY A MAN WHO MAKES UP WORDS AND CALLS IN RHYMING!!! I WILL NOT CATER TO HIM AND HIS FALSE SENSE OF LITERATURE!!!!! I CAN MAKE UP WORDS TOO!!! LIKE 'FRANKFORMER' AND 'LIBER-ARY' AND 'ARGUMENTING'!!!"  
"Actually, that's not making up new words, that's taking existing words and adding unfitting suffixes to the end…or just pronouncing them wrong." Nexus mentioned, being quite accustomed to such outbursts.  
"YOU KNOW WHAT?! SCREW YOU!!! AND I HAVE MADE UP MY OWN WORDS! THEY'RE 'WHOO-DOO-LOO-DOO-LOOP' AND 'KLONKEL'!!!!"  
"Actually, those are more like aunomonopieas." Keiti pointed out.

"…"

"…"  
"…" "…I don't like this game…"  
"…Hn…"  
A wolf demon, a silver Kyuubi no Kitsune, and a Nekomata sit down to a game of life…  
…I'll let you decide on the punch line… 


End file.
